the 11TH memory

the WORST night!!

man....my worst night....

i hav spend my time mopping n sweeping my house floor...

coz is my duty every sunday...

nvm...==

even im blur i continue my duty...

luckily i din use the broom 2 mop the floor...n use mop 2 sweep the floor...

haha^^

but when after i done all my duties...

man....the worst ting come...

im really tired...

but i cant get 2 slep....T-T

gosh....

after such a harsh day...

my mind r tired...my muscle is pain after exercising...

i ned slep badly...

but i cant slep at all...

at first i can but den after my bro ruin it by pinching my face...

i cant get any slep the whole night...

really fel lik killing him!!

ah....im totally very tired but i cant slep at all...

im really mad n make me bad temper til i cry it out ytd...

hmm....

at the early morning of nex day...around 2++ a.m

i stil cant slep...

im stil crying...

so after an hour....

at last...i cry myself 2 slep...

such a bad night....

T-T

~jO~

the 10TH memory

IT SEEM REALLY DIZZY!!

when im totally in a bad mood n uncontrollable temper...

every1 seem thinking tht im perfectly alright but..

when i seem ok n i dun hav any problem every1 seem thinking tht i wil hav a harsh time goin tru

sumting!!

hmm...ling been worried bout me...

szcien been feeling bad bout tis...

xuan bein asking WHY WHY WHY??

actually everyting bout my frenzship wit wa...is juz between me n her...

not any1 else problem....for sure...

so juz relax buddiez...

im ok...

n im fine...

i am upset bout it...y it happen lik tis...tht me n her dun talk at all...even at school...

i really am upset but...is ordi over...

i over come it...

she dun1 to talk to me...i cant blame her n i cant force her to talk to me...

so juz let it go...

so all...of u...[ling szcien xuan]

juz relax...is noting n i really mean....

dun wory 2 muc bout me...worry bout ur exam better ok....

thankz tht ling call me up 2day 4 asking whether am i ok o not?

she really is abit worry bout me...

hehe^^

im happy for it tht she care for me alot...

not only in scout tings but oso in my feelings n frenz problem...

thankz...ling..

~jO~

THE 9th MEMORY

im SICK!!

haiz...

alot of ting been wrong...

goin in the wrong way n the wrong path...

man...juz wht happen?

can any1 tel me...hmm...

im juz gonna leave it...im sick of it ordi...

nvm n i dun care anymore...

juz get it out my head...

i hav done sumting i love it very muc tis week...hehe^^

make me happy....

i done 6 symbol 4 my busybody gud frenz....

haha^^

those symbol tht represent 6 of us.n every symbol represent each of us wit dif attitude n personality..

wait a moment when i hav done the whole ting im juz gonna post it up...

hehe^^

black background wit 6 symbols....

tis really juz my ability doin sumting small but fel so happy...

but it really does mean alot 2 me...haha^^

i juz love doin tis type of ting...

~jO~

the 8TH memory

oh GOSH!!

hmm....i wil really lik being dub now...

ytd juz tel sum1 bout sumting secret in me..tht no1 noe...i duno whether tht was a gud o bad decision i made...

but i think i wont regret on it..

hehe^^

i hav change alot since tis years...but 1 ting stil remain the same in me..

tht is...im stil showing the real me evrytime u all c me...

im not pretending...

haiz...2day...i had a great big talk wit wai seng...

as usual bout SCOUT..

i persuade him 2 be our leader...

he got the spirit only left out sum confidence...

v chat alot n at laz he got his confidence bck....im glad...

but now make me abit worry...

in a sudden when half way tru the chat mei jin n qyy come find me asking y i dun1 2 hold atl post...

i was lik freak out...

how they noe it?

==

i was blur..

hmm..i think is edward hu spread the news til even yern yerng oso noe bout it..

haiz..==

i think oso is time 2 face the problem...

i persuade wai seng 2 stay up the post but im not doin the same...

i juz find it tht wai seng is a gud lead y should he resign...

im not a gud1...tht y...im alwaz in bad temper...so i wil b the 1 causing alot trouble mozly...

i dun fel im suitable 4 it...

hmm....im juz sory i had bad temper...

~jO~

THE 7th MEMORY

STRANGE AND WEIRD

juz feeling abit weird...

i duno wht im thinking haiz..==

i went 2 school 2day but den i fel abit strange...

mayb coz im not in the mood 4 it..

i fel lik wasting time in school 4 sumting stupid

juz 4 the hari koko kualiti ting

hmph...really doob...!!

haiz

juz lik lame man...

but den is ordi over...

im home now...

n i can relax at laz...

i fel better after my slep...

but den i stil fel abit tired n dizzy...

fel lik goin 4 a few mor hour slep...

but is not gud...

i hav been sleeping alot tis few weeks...

i juz cant stop myself from bein tired...

mayb not my physical...

but mayb by mentally...

i think 2 muc tis few weeks...

har...

i juz cant stop it....

i fel stress out n tired but duno wht 2 do wit it...

it seems alot of ting

in my mind....

i kep day dream....i juz cant control...

n every of tis...

making me moody n im in bad temper....

i juz HATE it....!!

~jO~

the 6TH memory

man i hav really abit out of my mind!!

im headache n im totally moody...

i was lik can i juz get those stupid ting out of my head....

hmm...

really making me stress out...

im tired...can i juz take a rest n stop thinking bout it...

it abit wasting my time...

i noe it but...wht can i do...

ken told me...can he help me wit it...

hmm...i really hope he can...

but den he ned 2 concentrate on his studies....n he is easily "emo"

so i better dun disturb him wit my foolish worries...

i use many ways..including tarrot card tht 1 of my frenz borrow me...

i try 2 check on it...

but i get bad ending everytime i did it...

hmm...

does tis mean i should really stop it...if not i'll get hurt once more??

arghh...

im really abit out of my mind...

there is oli 12day left b4 final exam....

man...

im sick n out of my mind...

~jO~

THE 5th MEMORY

i am totally in BAD TEMPER WEEK!!

man....i juz duno wht happen...

i juz really in bad temper....

in bad mood...

on the thursday...

wa tel me she wan 2 go skul she is the 1st one tht asking me bout it...

she said tht she scare she wil get..."surat amaran"

den i say ok den i'll go 2 skul....

but on the day...she din go...i was mad...

the worse is she din even tel me tht she is not goin...

ok fine....

i was mad bout it...i admit...

so i went cold chatting wit her on msn...

n she get mad bout it....

saying tht even she is coming o not...is not important...

i got stella goin is ok la....

i was lik....omg...

she is the 1 asking me 2 go...n i ask ching stella ling n tsen 2 go...

now...

she is the 1 tht not goin...

man...

haiz....==

v get abit argue on msn...

but den i dun hope tht v argue....

so i was juz lik calling it stop tht all...

hmm...i duno wht she wil react but den i juz noe tht she wil lik...juz dun lik it...

but den im sory...

im really in a bad temper...

n i juz dun lik it tht u say u goin o not is not important if is not important...

den i wont cal the other 2 go 2 skul 2 teman u oso...

hmm....im sory...i get mad...i admit it...is my wrong tht i lose my temper...

but den i really dun expect u wil lik..."im not...goin...

even if im goin o not...is not important"

i really duno how 2 react bout it...

~jO~

the 4TH memory

i stil haven GOT A WAY OUT....hmm...

wht should i do???

who is the real u actually?

r u stil the one tht once i trust n sum1 cloz where i chat alot wit u n can share my worries...?

i hav stop contact wit u for a long time....

but i stil cant let go...

years time 4 me is long...

since from the past im asking myself y cant i juz let u go??

y cant i juz leave it n go 4 sum1 new n i lik mor...

but i juz cant y?

haiz...

thinking of it making me fel dub tht y i have 2 be so noob n doob cant let go...

tis is juz silly...

i have been thinking should i juz try it once mor...

should i juz let go evryting n dun k anyting n juz try again...???

mayb when i get an ans i mayb b satisfied...

mayb....

but evryting is stil a QUESTION MARK in my head n heart...

hmm....

a me tht is alwaz blur n confused...

is now trying 2 get an ans...

an important ans tht i waited very long...

but can i really get the ans???

i duno....

i really really....

DUNO....

~jO~

THE 3rd MEMORY

this is the day when i felt happy but not a happy from my heart

i never felt tht strange in me before...

i tot tht a me tht is laughing is alwaz a true laugh...

but 2day is really juz not ME...

i laugh i smile i chat...

but evryting tings seems juz so fake...

me tht is pretending tht im not worry bout anyting for pas few months...

starting to fel wrong...

i chat lesser n lesser wit my frenz especially wit their trouble n worries...

me in my pas shoes wil alwaz b my frenz side when they ned me 2 borrow them my ears...

to hear bout their worries n problems...

but now im dif i juz change but duno y....

2day when i was in school...

i chat alot bout my ting wit szcien n ling...

but i stil cant hav a proper way n advise from them bout how 2 solve my worries...

but den nvm i dun mind tht they din giv me a clear advise..

coz evryting include my problem..

i hav 2 solve it myself...

im sory 2 say even alot ppl noe tht im selfish n i've change...

but tis is me for the time being...

i juz ned a time where im the 1 tht is WEAK...

hmm...T-T

~jO~

the 2ND memory

bout sumting in my heart

hmm...tis time really wanna release evryting in here...

wht make me wory n wht make me think alot...

a long pass memory kep in my heart tht been lock up...

a 4 years time is not short but not 2 long mayb...but den

in tis 4 years is a really important ting...

a ting tht i can never really get an ans n cant get tru...

i juz dun understand y i hav 2 stay in tis little chain up....story...

tht i cant forget....

i juz hope 2 let go...but i cant

i try 2 stop contact but i get contact bck...

it juz seem everyting juz coming bck....

i wanted 2 face it juz as....buddiez...

but is not easy 4 me....

hmm...==

~jO~

THE 1st MEMORY

THE DAY OF THE BEGINNING

i dun usually write blog but it interest me for the 1st time after viewing a few from my frenz...

tis is how it start...

hmm....there is oli 2 mor weeks left b4 my final exam...

i am lazy n i've done noting except from juz watching my movie n online...

i juz duno y im juz not in the mood 4 reading...

but im totally worried sick of my studies...i cant fail especially in add maths...

but i din do revise muc...haiz...==

i really should concentrate on my studies....

not oly tht but oso tis few months i hav been thinking bout the pass....

a memories tht i hav lock in my heart without showing muc out...

not even my family o my frenz n even cloz buddiez...

there is sumting dif in me...but i juz dont noe wht it is...

my mood n attitude change

my temper n my personality is bein worse

i juz simply duno wht happen....

i wan 2 control especially my temper but is 2 hard...

im sory for those hu around me...

i dun lik bein u guys burden...

hmm...i juz hope tht exam end faz n i can relax n i wont b tht bad temper anymore...

i juz hope 2 be bck the old happy joely tht once dun k muc bout worries n frenz burden....

im trying hard 2 find bck myself!!

~jO~